Ready for the BIG DAY!
With a bit of exaggeration, a good soundtrack and the right actress (dream list: Kate Beckinsale, Rachel Weisz or Katie Holmes), I think I could create a wedding comedy set the week prior to my wedding that would leave the ladies with stiches in their sides (as men won’t watch it anyway). For those of you who have not heard the full story, which is most of you because when you are the bride-to-be living in the moment it is not too funny, I will attempt to fill you in. Only after the wedding do you start to grin when you think about your ridiculous reactions and self-absorbed mindset similar to that of a 14 year old girl.
Near Christmas, my now husband, brother-in-law (who is my husband’s identical twin), their mother and myself all traveled from Norway to Orlando to spend the Christmas week with my parents in a two bedroom condo. Yes, six people in a two bedroom condo with no less than three mother tongues and various cultural views on humor. Overall, I would say everyone did quite well for a set of future in-laws meeting for the first time and opting to do that in small living quarters over the holidays and hardly understanding one another. We all enjoyed the various parks at Disney World, portions of food that could easily serve 2 ½ people and some serious shopping- and I mean pack three empty suitcases to fill, shopping.
As this also happened to be the week before the wedding, and I had not been in the States for eight months, I took it upon myself to schedule several appointments to prepare myself for the big day. Now, one cannot stress enough how easy it is to fall into the illusion of the glossy pages in wedding magazines that you have been flipping through for nearly a year, that you have to look P-E-R-F-E-C-T. Perfect. With that in mind, I will recount the appointments that I had lined up the week before the most photographed day of my life.
My teeth. It had been a year since I had my teeth cleaned and I figured that not only was I long overdue, but I would enjoy a nice through cleaning. That was before they informed me that two of my fillings from 10 years ago needed to be re-filled and I had two more cavities- each was nicely placed in a separate quadrant of my mouth. One week to the day before my wedding I had all four sections of my mouth numbed (only after the dentist tried to fill the bottom two teeth without any numbing- oWWww). This left my mouth swollen and semi-paralyzed for about five hours, as well as, my cheeks, lips and chin void of any feeling. Which explains why at the dentist when they handed me chap stick, after having no less than eight hands in my mouth for two hours, I put it on my chin thinking it was my lips. For about a day my husband and brother-in-law asked me if I was sure I did not get lip injections and use the dentist as my cover!
My hair. Oh, the hair. My mother and I went to a nice enough salon in Orlando. I told the man that I wanted to keep my length, but he could give me some long layers and a trim along the bottom. He cut four inches off while having turned away from the mirror and chatting about how he hates cold weather and Norway would be torture for him. Many of my good friends and family can attest to the fact that four inches in my “hair time” equals approximately three years. So, I should get over it in three years when my hair is back to where it was when I stepped into that salon.
My skin. Naturally, when living in one of the darkest places on earth you begin to look not so much pasty as see through. Perhaps the only benefit to a vitamin D deficiency is that a nurse can find my veins now. I managed to go to the tanning bed a few times in Norway before I left; although I think they were merely light bulbs as anything stronger would have fried me- just as it did when I used a tanning bed in Orlando, less than one week before my wedding. I know what you are thinking, that it was a self-inflicting and unnecessary consequence I had to bear. Perhaps you are right. But, I went into that salon knowing I had a base tan (or the closest thing to it that I had experienced in a long time), I carefully explained to the pretty blond that I would be getting on a cruise ship and wanted to avoid tan lines (because nothing screams Kentucky like a bride with tan lines) and I wanted a bit of color before my big day- nothing too strong. Needless to say I woke up the next day with a pink face and chest. Apparently I did have a base tan, just not where I normally apply sunscreen. I forced my father to google home remedies for sunburn. Yogurt was a suggestion, and while it was soothing, the only thing it did was make me smell like milk. Alas, it turned out alright as I applied aloe every 20 minutes for 3 days and exfoliated regularly to prevent peeling.
From what I have been told, I looked great on my wedding day. But it is funny, because on my big day I was more focused looking into my future-husband’s eyes then into a mirror. I don’t think that was mentioned in the glossy magazine’s rabbit hole I fell down into- Alison in Weddingland. As I crawl out of that weird place and am coming back to reality, the only thing I can really do is laugh at myself and my expedition for perfection. So, take it from me and Bruno Mars, future brides-to-be, “you are amazing just the way you are.”
